To be a Cynic...

I know cynicism all too well. It has been one of my dearest friends most of my life. Perhaps it is a desensitizing of the world. Perhaps it is the result of coming from a broken home. Perhaps it is the result of a soft heart being inundated with global needs she couldn’t

help; so she just tried to pull away. Perhaps it is from being the daughter of a police officer and seeing how people can continuously manipulate each other for their own gain. Perhaps it is a combination of it all. Yet, it IS the reason I work so hard to be open, and genuine with those around me, whether in a class, at a coffee shop, at work, or through writing. In fact, in my writing is where I am the most open and vulnerable. I pray every time my fingers take control of the keyboard, that I record nothing but Truth; for Truth is powerful.

In my position, I see people sacrifice every month, every week, in order to support Christians around the world. We hold so tightly to our finances, and the cynic in me had come to believe that people don’t actually give without someone twisting their arm. Please, my fellow cynics, let me cry out the lies of that belief! People give out of the goodness of their hearts—the goodness. People give because they feel called. People give because they see it as their duty as members of the Body of Christ. People give because they see a need they can fill.

In taking this position, I took a financial risk. Or did I? Is stepping out in faith truly a risk when your Father is the God of the universe? Nevertheless, my flesh has spotted the past few weeks with moments of doubt and anxiety. Would friends and family even want to support me? I had heard nothing from my pleas. Were the letters poorly written? Should I have done something differently? What was I thinking? Of course people weren’t going to give. I’m not going somewhere exotic or doing something extraordinary.

This afternoon, God took that anxiety and slapped me in the face with it. (Yes. He does that to me quite a lot, and I need it.) A donation came into ITMI with my name on it. I sat there and stared at it for a long moment as tears filled my eyes. Gratitude for a friend who chose to support the direction I had taken filled my heart. And awe of God’s faithfulness filled my mind.

It is so easy to be a cynic. To give up on faith and rely on your own works and abilities. To say that people are naturally selfish and uncaring. Because that’s safe, right? Then you can’t be let down by people you care about. Then you don’t have to face the burning ache of disappointment. Then reality doesn’t knock you to the ground. Oh friends! In living in that state, defending yourself against disappointment, you lock yourself in a lonely world, a world I have known all too well.

But God is good, and God is faithful. And you know what? We, human beings, are made in His image. (Gen 1:26-27) We are His children, beloved sons and daughters. (Hebrews 8:16, 1 John 1:1-3) In him, there is goodness and generosity. In Him, there is love and kindness. In Him, there is Hope. It is not easy to let go of an attitude of cynicism. It is not easy to feel as though you’re going out on a limb, against all your instincts of self-preservation. But the result is so wonderful, brothers and sisters. The result is joy, pure joy and wonder at the faithfulness of a wise and ever-present Father. Nothing compares to letting go and being wrapped in His arms.