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A Closed Heart

            Laughing, she led him up the small, hill, blades of grass brushing lightly against her bare feet.  She clasped his hand tightly, conscious of the fact that her hands were by no means the smooth, delicate hands of the court ladies, whom Caleb was all too familiar with. 

“Hurry!” She half yelled, half laughed.

            They stumbled and tripped as they hastily ran upwards to reach the top before the special moment.  Finally, several minutes later, they reached the apex, both breathing heavily but smiling broadly.  Still gripping his hand, she turned to him and allowed herself to fall into his eyes…even if just for a second.  She blinked and abruptly yanked him further forward.  His initial grunt of surprise transformed into a a gasp of wonder as the sight enveloped him.  They stood at one of the highest points in the small area.  The castle, in all of its shining white majesty stood on a wider hill of the same height directly in front of them, flags dancing in the light wind from each of the five turrets and torches flickering in preparation for the imminent nightfall.  Guardsmen could faintly be seen as moving shadows, pacing the perimeter, both on the ground and on the walls.  A large road led from the main gates out into the valley and off northward towards the other major cities of the realm.  From this large road branched a small, yet well trodden path.  At the end of the path, lay the small town of Tiranae.  The town, located just two miles from the main castle, was a small circle of buildings below them.  Her friends and neighbors milled around the time, finishing up business for the day and chatting with one another amiably.  But Caleb had seen all of this before. None of this was what had made Caleb gasp in wonder.  The sun wrapped them in a deep orange light, bathed the land before them in its glow.  Thousands of shades of oranges and reds and yellows coated the land, creating an ethereal picture before their eyes.  The individual rays of the beloved sun stretched across the ground from its sinking central orb, trying to chase away the shadows just a while longer.  There are simply no complete words to describe the perfect collage of reds and oranges, oranges and greens.  

            Julianna released Caleb’s hand and closed her eyes, inhaling the peaceful scents of dusk.  The lingering warmth of the light brushed her skin.  She let her arms hang loosely at her sides, breathing deeply and mentally shrugged the day’s cares from her shoulders, relaxing every part of her being. 

            She exhaled and whispered, to herself or to Caleb she wasn’t sure, “This, this is my world.” 

            “It’s…beautiful.  I don’t know what else to say.”

            She smiled. “There isn’t much else.  I’ve loved coming up here since I was a little girl.  Watching the sunset seemed the perfect way to end a day, especially a restless one.”

              She opened her eyes, startled, as one of his large hands suddenly slipped into hers. The other wrapped around her waist, and he turned her to face him.  He leaned his head forward and pressed it lightly against hers and closed his eyes.

            His low voice, husky with emotion, pleaded, “Dance with me.  Julianna Reilnor, dance with me.”

            She pressed her lips together and squeezed her eyes shut, stemming the flood of emotion suddenly coursing through her.  Without a word, she lifted her left hand and rested it on his shoulders.  He pulled her close, and she let him hold her.  And they danced. In the soft glow of the setting sun, on the top of a grassy hill, without any music, they danced.  Bliss. She supposed that was the only word to describe what she felt.  No worries clouded her thoughts.  No fears gnawed at her gut.  And…and love, embraced her, shielding her from the world.  From reality.  His face rested against her black hair as they moved around the hilltop, utterly at peace in each other’s embrace.  Darkness soon overtook the lingering sunlight and shrouded the hilltop in its cloak.  The slowed and Julianna leaned into him, memorizing every curve of his shoulders, every ripple of his arms.  He was going to leave her.  There was no avoiding it.  And she had to stop entertaining these hopeless dreams that were beginning to consume her.  A silent tear slipped from her eye and onto her sleeve.  This wouldn’t last.  Like everything else, it was a fading fantasy.

She gently, gracefully pulled away from him.  Moisture gathered in her brown eyes and began to pool over, fueled by the concern radiating from Caleb’s majestic face. 

            “Lia? Lia, what’s wrong?”

            She shook her head and took another step backwards, whispering, “I can’t do this, Caleb.”

            “So you’re simply going to run away again? Leave without an explanation like you did at the ball?” Was that anger or frustration she heard beneath his words?

            Anger suddenly flamed to life in her chest and she said in a forced calm, “You have no right to judge me.  No right to make me feel guilty for leaving you before you leave me.”

            He inhaled sharply, and understanding suddenly flickered to life in his eyes.  Ignoring this, she turned and fled back down the hill.  She ran until she finally reached the arched doorway of her home and clumsily turned the key in the lock.  She dashed up the stairs and quickly stripped the heavy gown from her exhausted body, leaving it a heap on the floor.  She scooped up her heavy quilt and wrapped it around her shoulders, welcome warmth over her thin slip.  In utter darkness, she slid to the floor, back against the wall.  Eyes closed, she fought the despair rising within her.  She forced her breathing to slow and grow even, calming her racing heart.  

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