He Provides

National Nursing Week. A week of fun, festivitie,s and food in honor of nursing staff across the country, and endless stress and disorganization for the facility activities team. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being able to celebrate the nursing staff I work with. They deserve so much more appreciation and recognition than they receive, and I want to do all I can to lighten their daily load.

However, I work on a disorganized team and for those who know me well, disorganization in a program is not my thing. (Organization of my bedroom is another story...:P) Anyways, with the

building tension in the workplace between the supervisor and several of the activities aides, tension has been high and tempers have been on edge all week. Let's just say our supervisior is the type of person who 'misses' the prep and work and manages to be present for the fun and games and take credit for everything. Can you tell it's been a bad day? I LOVE what I do. I Love being able to hold the hand of a patient when she's scared to go to the beauty salon by herself or listen to a patient who feels like he's being ignored. Because only through God's grace and power am I able to sit with them during some of the most trying times of their lives.

But it's been hard. So hard. To remember the parts about my job that I love amdist the drama of the Activities Team. This afternoon, after a day of being outright disrespected by my supervisor and dealing with countless frustrations on that end, I took one of my residents to the on-site beauty salon. This resident is in her 80's and struggling with severe dementia. In the mornings she is semi-lucid, but by about 3:00pm, her mind is too tired to keep up. (eg. She asked me 9 times in 5 minutes where her purse was and was severely concerned each time) After ensuring she was comfortable in the salon chair I pointed across the room and said, "Alright Miss A, I'm going to be sitting right over there. You just shout if you need anything, and I'll be right over." She just smiled languidly at me, contendly oblivious. But then, as I turned to walk away, she reached out for my wrist, looked up at me anxiously and said, "You're going to take care of me, right?"

I can't pin down the emotions that hit me in that moment. If it was sadness or grief or affection or worry or pity... I just felt as though my heart would burst. And in that moment I felt God's hand on me. "You're not here for your boss," He was saying. "You're here for her." The God of the universe knows little, insignificant me so well! HE knew exactly what I needed to get me through this long week. While I have to dance with the politics of the institution, my job is to care for

those who cannot care for themselves, to love those whose families are too far away. And I will do it with the joy of Christ.

Secondly, I've been really struggling with my anxiety lately, something I may talk about in a later post. Any group events outside of work and school have been really difficult for me to get to emotionally. God and I have been having long and angry conversations about it. Okay, well maybe it was more of me crying out to Him rather than a conversation... Anyways, I walk in to my church lifegroup and find that there are only four other people due to various situations amidst the others. Again, God knew exactly what I needed--a small environment in which to feel His love pour into me from other believers. It was as though He was whispering, "I will take care of you."

And I do trust the Lord with all my heart and soul, but it was nice reminder in the midst of such stress and turmoil.

The Lord is so good, and He knows what we need in the darkest of times. He knows the number of hairs on our head, and sees every hardship laid before us. He feels our aches and pains and grieves with us as our heart breaks. We do not follow a distant God or vague being in the sky. We worship a very personal God who wants to know each and every one of us so that we might be drawn closer to Him.

Lord, I pray for those who do not yet know you. I pray for those in my workspace who know OF you, but do not know your loving and healing touch. I pray that you will heal my hurt spirit in relation to my coworkers, that I might be a better example and reflection of your light within the department and the facility in general. In your name, Amen.